Tag Archives: Doctors

Thank you

Thanks to everyone who expressed concerned about Big Boy. I understand some folks were quite alarmed, which was not my intention with the post. The doctor really did seem to think it was probably nothing.

But now you see my point. When you’ve gone down the rabbit hole of “probably nothing” turning into “something” turning into “Oh God, is our life over? (and I mean this in the absolute prayer sense)” with one child, it is hard to stay calm about things that might be issues with the others.

It seems like it should be the other way. Since we’ve dealt with these really big things, then anything else should seem small and manageable.

For me, however, it feels like we’ve dipped so often into the well of responding to challenges for James over the past few years that there is nothing left in that well if things go wrong with anyone else. I guess that’s something to work on.

So just to clarify, we really hope and think Big Boy is fine. So does his doctor. But we’re following up because it’s the right thing to do.

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“It’s probably nothing, but we should get it checked out.”

These are possibly my least favorite words in the English language. No, that’s wrong. Those are probably “moist,” “conversate” (not really in the English language but that isn’t stopping people), “douche,” and “hard-stop.”

Okay, so maybe it’s one of my least favorite sentences

I am fairly certain the only people ever charged with delivering this sentence are doctors. Doctors are not generally prone to hysterics and are good at staying calm in pressured situations, so listening to this sentence delivered with a calm demeanor doesn’t do much to comfort me. I don’t want to hear that something is probably nothing. I want to hear that it is definitely nothing. That is, I never wanted to know about it in the first place. 

This morning, Big Boy had a check-up and we left with a “It’s probably nothing, but we should get it checked out.” 

The last time someone said this to me, four hours later we were admitted to the children’s ER and my ten-day-old baby was getting a spinal tap, MMR, CT Scan, and intravenous anti-convulsant medication. So yeah. I don’t like hearing those words. 

I’m sure this is probably nothing. I really hope it’s probably nothing. And if it’s something, I dearly hope it’s a fixable something. 

Having a child with special needs makes me feel like I should have a free pass for my other children. It feels as if they should never become sick, never have a bad day, never have any challenges. As if the world should be offsetting James’ challenges by providing exceptional karma and luck to his sweet siblings. 

I’m pretty sure that’s not how things work, but it doesn’t stop me from hoping.

It’s probably nothing.

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